1. PITTSBURGH PETE WITH A PINT OF ALE
2. NOT TOMORROW, TODAY
3. 9/11 IS A JERK
4. ISSUES
5. JESUS WILL FIND ME
6. GRASSROOTS DUEL
7. SHEAR SOME SHEEP
8. AND PHOENIX WASN’T EVEN HER REAL NAME
9. PBJ
10. PLAYDATE
11. BETA MONKEY
12. # FOR MORE OPTIONS
13. LUNCH IS A BATTLEFIELD
14. NINE O'CLOCK
15. APPLICATIONS
16. MY BABY
PITTSBURGH PETE WITH A PINT OF ALE
Ooh, there's a ruckus comin’ form the county jail
No one is leaving till they're making bail
The mayhem wasn't Chuck, Dick or Dale
It was Pittsburgh Pete with a pint of ale
He’s been grating the bars with his little stein
Laughing
You're confined while I'm outside
Is it pale or is it pilsner? I don't know which
But I'll take my chances while you're somebody's bitch
The inmates started turning red
Dick had threatened to kill him dead
I can't tell you what Dale had said
And Chuck just wanted to get a little…
How much longer till they set you free
You don't look mean but quite refined to me
I'll show you rainbows, hearts, and glee
And butterflies as far as you can see
Dick said he had thirty days to go
Chuck would be out in a week or so
How bout you Dale, how long you in fo'?
But it'd been so long that he didn't know
By now they knew they could trust this Pete
They all agreed that he looked good to eat
He had big hands and he had big feet
He wore tight pants and the inmates eyed his
Meet me here about a quarter to three
What I can do for you, you can do for me
I'll be outside this window with a rolling pin
For you want out and baby I want in
The boys were puzzled but they agreed
They wanted freedom and this Pete had needs
They set their alarms for a quarter to three
Hearts set on rainbows, butterflies, and glee
Pete arrived with an oven and a rolling pin
A pound of flour and a baking tin
Couple dozen eggs and the basket he brought ‘em in
Plug the beaters in so that I can begin
He baked a four foot cake in very little time
But unbeknownst to the three, he baked himself inside
At the front gates the guard was easy to trick
He delivered the cake to chuck and dale and dick
Corduroy icing with candy hearts
Rainbows made those colored parts
Butterflies as far as one could see for luck
By now they're wondering who they're going to f…
Find inside this oversized dessert
The three didn't see Pittsburgh Pete at work
Who was this vixen that they were gonna meet?
Although it was a queen - it was Pittsburgh Pete!
Hazzah!
He emerged and he sent them chills
Somebody’s been poppin' too much happy pills
Charcoal lungs and the breath of snail
It was Pittsburgh Pete with a pint of ale
Skeletal off white birthday suit
Rainbow tie and purple go-go boots
Chuck told me later oh you shoulda have seen us
We __ his __ while Dale tried on his
Purple boots, Dale was looking hot
But Dick was disappointed with what Pete was not
It’s not a lot to speak of this I know
I'm not even from Pittsburgh I'm from Ohio
“Oooh, I feel your pain”, Chuck chimed in
Then he sobbed out loud “I'm a Toledoan”
It was a moment of comfort, hearts and glee
Butterflies and rainbows and being free
Now you know what I'm all about
You wanted out so I brought you out
Don’t believe that it's a sin
Just clench your teeth
Because Pittsburgh’s coming in
Getting railed in the county jail
By Pittsburgh Pete with a pint of ale
Raise your masts set your ship a sail
For Pittsburgh Pete with a pint of ale
NARRATOR – TRACY
KEYS, RECORDER, GLOCKENSPIEL, PETE VOCALS – PTAHMB
CLARINET – LAQUEEFA
BASS, GUITAR, FLUTE, SAX, BG VOX – NATHAN
Originally written in 2000 for Incarnation III, "Pete" finally has found a home.
NOT TOMORROW, TODAY
Oh my, how we’ve grown
Today we can drive even more further than the
Extension cord lets us go
Sixteen hundred
Around the back
Oh what a shame it gets wrapped around someone’s neck
What have I done?
Put me away, away
Oh my, how we’ve grown
Today we can learn to forgive our fellow man
Like the Lawd
Tells me too
There are voice noises
Guiding me
Pray to the loudest one and stay away from me
What will we do?
No, not tomorrow
Today
ALL MUSIC - PTAHMB
VOCALS - PTAHMB, LAQUEEFA, TRACY
A candid look at 9/10.
9-11 IS A JERK
(instrumental)
MUSIC – PTAHMB
Maybe you saw something about these two buildings on the news a few years back... This tune is a virtual time-line, ya see. The song opens shortly before the first plane hits the first tower, and ends right before the first collapse.
ISSUES
I sit here on the couch
Wondering where you are
And I must admit I'm lonely too
But I know that you'll come home
So it wouldn't be an issue
I'll never have a reason to miss you at all
When the loneliness sets in you'll call
And I'm alright
I'm alright
I often tend to worry
When I know I shouldn't ought to
And I know that I get paranoid
When I don't have reason to
So it wouldn't be an issue
I'll never have a reason to miss you at all
When the loneliness sets in you'll call
And I'm alright
I'm alright
I sit here on the couch
Wondering what you're up to
And I know the things I'll never know
Outnumber what I will
So it wouldn't be an issue
I'll never have a reason to miss you at all
When the loneliness sets in you'll call
And I'm alright
I'm alright
LYRICS / MUSIC – BRANDON BOLTZ
ARRANGED BY POLISH BEAVER POLISH
GUITAR, VOCALS – LAQUEEFA
VOCALS, KEYS, GLOCKENSPIEL – PTAHMB
Originally recorded in 2005 for one Mr. Brandon Boltz and his nuptial conjoinment with one Ms. Liz Owens, here-after known exclusively as The Boltzens, "Issues" found itself slightly reworked and remixed here - a special Polish Beaver Polish treat for all ages! Even yours!
JESUS WILL FIND ME
Jesus will find me
He will show me his love
Jesus will find me
He will conquer my bush
I will demand Jesus
To wash away all my sins
Ah ah ah-oooooh
Baby Jesus
Ah ah ah-oooooh
Nobody puts Baby Jesus in the corner
Jesus
Find me
LYRICS / VOCALS – LAQUEEFA, TRACY
LEAD KEYS – NATHAN
KEYS OVERDUBS, PERCUSSION, TOY PIANO – PTAHMB
What started as a drunken excursion changed after the RECORD button was pressed became an international phenomenon when the improvised lyrics were rewritten and mass overdubs were administered.
GRASSROOTS DUEL
(instrumental)
BASS – J. MITCHELL DRUDGE
KEYS – PTAHMB
A special visit to Portland by DRK alumni Jeff Drudge grew into this fine recording, complete with metal waterbowl percussion.
SHEAR SOME SHEEP
Here in the deep
Crawl and creep
Michiganders take the MEAP
They’re keepin’ score
Don’t let me hear you weep, whores
Workin’, sweepin’ bleepin’ floors
But behind the door, rewards to reap
And earn your keep
Don’t make a peep
While they’re asleep
‘Cause tonight you and yours gonna shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
Spool the wool, fool, make no heap!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
You can write on the sidewalk…
Chalk is cheap!
Jump jump, conversation, jump!
Talk and leap!
Fairuza or Meryl
Balk or Streep!
Bite off their heads, they won’t squawk, they’re Peeps!
Bite off their heads, they won’t squawk, they’re Peeps!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
Spool the wool, fool, make no heap!
Ya’ll get it the Jeep, we gonna shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
The undertaking is a tad bit steep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
Baaahh…
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
There's more on the floor, grab a broom and sweep!
Tell Philippe! We gonna shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
C'mon everybody and shear some sheep!
My pocket's so deep that the funds won't seep!
Bargain basement priced stark-naked sheep!
Bargain basement priced stark-naked sheep!
Line up everybody and we’ll sell some sheep!
Here come the suckas, gonna buy some sheep!
I keep a heap of sheep in my bleepin’ Jeep
We're stacking 'em high and we’re selling 'em cheap!
C'mon Mama Llama and buy some sheep!
Chuck, Dick, and Dale gonna buy some sheep!
When you’re on the lam even the time don’t keep!
C’mon everybody and shear some sheep!
MUSIC, LEAD VOCALS – PTAHMB
BG VOCALS – TRACY, LAQUEEFA, LAURA
LESLIE “L-DOG” CAREY – SHEEP
The concept for "Sheep" was born sometime in '96 or '97, and finally became a "song" in 2006.
AND PHOENIX WASN'T EVEN HER REAL NAME
(Instrumental)
KEYS, PERCUSSION – PTAHMB, JILLI ANN MOON
Her name was actually Jessica or something like that - boy were we surprised!
PBJ
We had it all, we were like
Peanut butter ‘n’ jelly
(But who am I foolin’ now?)
We didn’t have nothin’
(which is a double negative, I realize that)
but real ice wouldn’t melt away as fast as
double A’s slip away in our
wall-mounted singin’ bass
Pardon my rudeness
But why’s it crude to say I was Jewed outta meeting Jesus?
He’ll come back for me, you’ll see
And then he’ll die for me on reality TV
Until we see that scene again on Tivo
What’s on the Fix News Channel?
I need to know that my beliefs are en vog –‘ue
(What’s on the Fux News Channel?
I need to know where I should turn up my nose
What’s on the Faux News Channel?
I need to know I’m wearing all the right clothes)
(Now whatsa matter honey...)
Do you need a tissue?
Are you upset your president just dodged another issue?
Constipitutional truth and love
But this constitutes as none of the above
They’ll say these colors stood for none of the above
Come on and give me one more freedom kiss
And make it go like this
VOCALS, KEYS, RECORDER, PERCUSSION – PTAHMB
GUITAR, UKELELE – NATHAN
ACCORDIAN – LAQUEEFA
These are the first lyrics written after the completion of Some Ol' Fashioned Maladies.
PLAYDATE
Let’s make a playdate with our dogs
And our children
And our children
Let’s make a playdate with our dogs
And our children
Talk about soaps and stitch ‘n’ bitch
Stitch ‘n’ bitch
Stitch ‘n’ bitch
Talk about soaps and stitch ‘n’ bitch
With our children
We will drive our SUV’s
All the way to the playdate
We will drive our SUV’s
With our friends and fellow inmates
We are Soccer Moms
I’m a Rugby Mom
We are Soccer Moms
I’m a Girl Scout Mom
We will drive our SUV’s
All the way to the playdate
We will drive our SUV’s
All the way to Old Navy
With a
Sweater-vest sweater-vest sweater sweater-vest
And stripes are in this year
And stripes are in this year
Oh no!
It’s five o’clock!
We have to order dinner!
We all suck as moms
LYRICS / VOCALS – LAQUEEFA
VOCALS – TRACY
KEYS – PTAHMB
GUITAR – NATHAN
DRK's lovely ladies and their love for today's Republican fluff.
BETA MONKEY
Rrrrowr
Raggum
Rrrrr....
VOCALS – BOLIVIAN RAGGUM-MONKEY
MUSIC / KEYS – PTAHMB, JF’nC
This is a joint venture. I assembled the percussion track and freeflow keys and bass. The drums were e-shipped to JF'nC who took it upon himself to fold, spindle, and mutilate them. Monkey decided soon after moving in that he was not a fan of a microphone shoved in his face. The rest is history.
# FOR MORE OPTIONS
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LEAD VOCALS – TRACY
OPERATOR VOCALS, CLARINET – LAQUEEFA
KEYS – PTAHMB
GUITAR, FLUTE – NATHAN
At what point did we as a society become so stupid that we require instructions on how to leave a message? This recording is a product of three separate improvised takes on three separate dates, mixed together with overdubs galore.
LUNCH IS A BATTLEFIELD
Put your hand in mine
You and I
Jews and flies it’s no surprise
Jews can't put a price on our lunch!
My hunch is our lunch
Is so much more than a bunch of
Cap’n Crunch
And Jew know flies am made for Jews
Lunch, and you’re made for cheese
Kmart-ache to Kmart-ache we stand
All of us knowing lunch is a battlefield
Number onesies is funsies
Wth friendsies 'til the endsies
No pretendsies
And Jesus will lead us
We're wrapped, tied and tangled in Jesus pieces
Together we're Mr. and Mrs.
Like Buttons and Kittens
and Boltzens
Roseanne and Dan
All of us knowing lunch is a battlefield
MUSIC / LYRICS / VOCALS – PTAHMB
A lovely little number for my darling legally binding girlfriend.
NINE O’CLOCK
It’s nine o’clock,
I’m buttoning my shirt
Stole the neighbor’s roses, babe
On the way home from work (for you)
Tie my tie
I’ll pick you up at ten
We’ll go see a movie
We’ll hit the bar and then
I will try and get you good and drunk
And into your pants
Just lower your defenses girl and give me a chance
You ain’t no virgin flower, girl
Your looks are below par
But the more I drink the more I think how pretty you are
We rolled into the Chug ‘n’ Pub
At twelve twenty-nine
Baby, now you look substandard
But by one you’ll be lookin’ fine
Hey…
I’ll fain interest in what you say
Over glasses of wine
We’ll do another round of shots
And you can have mine
As I try to get you good and drunk
For later tonight
But no foolin’ you I’m drinkin’ too so you look alright
Just how many cocktails will it take?
So far you don't make the grade
Well, God invented booze so even you could get laid
Girl, you’re lookin’ fine, if I may lie
You put a lotta work into your hair
But next time dear
Do me a favor?
And wear some slacks with room to spare
What’s that dear? You’re lookin’ bored
Well, I just want something to nail
It’s late at night, and just like a kite
I need a little piece of tail
And I’ll try to get you good and drunk
Come stay with me tonight
I already called your father and he says it’s alright
Don’t worry that I forgot your name
I’ll love you all night long
But when I wake up in the morning you had better best be gone
LEAD VOCALS – TRACY
VOCALS, CLARINET - LAQUEEFA
KEYS – PTAHMB
BASS – NATHAN
Incarnation XII had worked so hard on getting this little gem down that it had to be included here.
APPLICATIONS
(instrumental)
LEAD BASS – J. MITCHELL DRUDGE
KEYS – PTAHMB
PERCUSSION TRACKS, KEYS – JF’nC
BASS OVERDUBS – NATHAN
The second article from Drudge's Portland visit, with pieces of Bloodless Mushroom scraps and Nathan Wegner bass overdubs.
MY BABY
Kill my baby
Drink it away
Kill my baby
Didn't want it anyway
LYRICS / VOCALS – LAQUEEFA
VOCALS – TRACY
BEATBOX – LESLIE, TRACY
It's about poo. Seriously. Kilpatient hasn't done a song about killing babies since May.
1. PITTSBURGH PETE WITH A PINT OF ALE
2. NOT TOMORROW, TODAY
3. 9/11 IS A JERK
4. ISSUES
5. JESUS WILL FIND ME
6. GRASSROOTS DUEL
7. SHEAR SOME SHEEP
8. AND PHOENIX WASN’T EVEN HER REAL NAME
9. PBJ
10. PLAYDATE
11. BETA MONKEY
12. # FOR MORE OPTIONS
13. LUNCH IS A BATTLEFIELD
14. NINE O'CLOCK
15. APPLICATIONS
16. MY BABY
